Work-life balance is a myth.
You can now raise your glass AND exhale.
Work-life balance is just a bunch of BS that we are fed by societal norms (AKA, the patriarchy) that are archaic. It truly is just ONE MORE THING women have to shoulder to be the *picture perfect* doting wife and mother.
PUKE.
I tried this elusive "balance" and all it got me was sick, tired, and broke. And I’m not talking just a little cold or even the flu. I’m talking about a full-on hormonal breakdown that landed me in bed for seven months. Trying to be all things to the kids while also being all things to my then husband on top of being all things to my business and clients! Yeah, there is NO balance. The scales are always tipped further to one side than any of the others.
In these years, which my boys fondly call the “crazy mommy” years, I didn't like myself. I literally felt like I was losing my mind. I was perpetually exhausted and hiding in the bathroom to cry any chance I got. I felt like an epic failure every minute of every day. And I was lying to everyone -- you know the, "Oh, I’m doing FINE," which actually means, "Don't ask too many questions or I'll just start to cry."
To make matters worse, I was served up a huge dose of comparitis (AKA: comparing self to others). I watched other people in my industry achieve their success, even if it was just my perception. As a single mom, I was lonely and feeling a whole lot of self-pity, so it was easy to see all the areas in which others were thriving and I was lacking. I was desperate to make my business work. I literally worked myself into the ground in order to force the issue. PS: FORCE is not a great thing to do in your business or…anywhere in your life.
There was a LOT of learning that happened during those years. I took time to heal myself and lean into putting myself FIRST! I know it sounds crazy!)
I finally decided that I would come up with a way to manage:
My emotions
My time - yes, work, but more importantly, the time just for me
My kids and their needs
And the best part: Without digging my grave and losing my sh*t in the process.
I gave up on “balance.” I not only started to realize that I needed to focus more on what I needed; I also started to embrace the “juggle.” I felt like a failure because I couldn’t do what all those other, perfect moms seemed to have all figured out. Why couldn’t I find this beautiful balance I’m seeing before my eyes?
Spoiler alert: I found out later, that those other moms; well, they did NOT have it all together either. They were just better at pretending they did.
What I found was JUGGLING: Having a couple of balls up in the air at a time, while the other balls had to wait their turn. The balls could be work, kids, chores, social life, or anything else you are trying to handle on a regular basis. Sometimes all the balls were kids - when they are sick, if they are babies and they need you all day long, or it’s a “fun” day over the weekend. Some days the balls are all work - launch week for a program; on a deadline for a client; going to your 9-5 every day. Most days, it’s likely a mixture of balls; however, remember how challenging it is to juggle more than 3 (and sometimes more than 2) balls at a time. There will be times one of the balls drop if you have too many in the air.
I understood that juggling would take practice, but it was doable. I could let one ball drop if I really needed to because I understood I could pick it back up when another ball no longer needed to be in the air. Balance carried the connotation to do it all at the same time. And that, for me, was more pressure than I was willing to put on myself any longer. I practiced juggling. I got really good at it. And soon, I was able to make sure one of those balls was ME.
I was creating a life I actually ENJOYED as a mom and the CEO of my business, not how the world told me I should, but based on my rules, my boundaries, and my knack for juggling.
You can do it too.