Feeling down on yourself about life? Wondering why things never work out for you ?
It’s simple. You are letting it happen.
1. You make everything about you.
So that person bumped into you at the store. A car pulled out in front of you. You haven’t gotten a text back...ever...from a “friend.” Someone had a good time and didn’t invite you. So what? Do you honestly believe that all these people have it out for you?
Maybe you weren’t forefront in their minds. Maybe that person is dealing with some hard shit in their life and they were preoccupied. Why would you come to mind?
Do you think about other people when you are caught up in your own shit? I doubt it.
2. You are constantly searching for your “dream” life
As much as it is important to have a vision of how you desire your life to flow, it doesn’t mean it will happen EXACTLY that way.
Chase a feeling instead. Your story can be written around a want to feel at ease, at peace, or released of some old bullshit that you’ve been dragging around for too long. A feeling can show up and be in a different package than you imagined.
Be open to detours. Your current GPS that created your vision may be outdated before the vision comes to fruition. Even Siri can’t foretell the future, but she can guide you based on the information she has at the time.
So be flexible. Chase a feeling.
3. You’re constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop
I think being a parent sets us up to always wait for the other shoe to drop or for the sky to fall. Growing pains might be bone cancer. A cough means pneumonia. Not being able to throw the ball right or master that dance move at age 5 means your kids are doomed to fail forever!
Geez. That’s a LOT of pressure on ourselves and our kids!
We can’t control more than we can control, which isn’t much. So take those worst case scenarios and “delete, delete, delete” them from your reality. Seriously. You are being ridiculous. Keep your crazy to yourself.
4. You want everyone to be a mind reader
In case you were unsure, people can’t read your mind. If you need something, ASK for it! I know, it’s crazy. All partners should be able to know what we want, when we want it, without any verbal justification. Or as one of my friends said, “He can’t read my mind, but he can read my face.”
Okay, so maybe a partner should have that super power. But what about your boss? Or your neighbor? Yeah, I doubt they have any idea what you are “expecting.” So, if you don’t want to be disappointed, you have two choices: let people know what you need and expect and be open to the fact that they will forget or not care. Or, stop having high expectations.
5. You are desperate for a “sign”
Signs. I love them. I live for them. But I don’t wait on a decision while waiting desperately for them. I actively look for them. By asking for help. By talking with people. By remaining open to opportunity. Little signs. Coincidences. Synchronicity. Or HUGE neon signs -- which can happen when you are blind to all the other signs being flashed in front of you!
It’s important to also trust what your own gut and heart are telling you. Because, no matter what the external advice is...YOU get to decide.
6. You care too much what other people think
While the world is full of judgy people, the reality is, most people are so caught up in their own dysfunction and fear of judgement, that they aren’t paying any attention to you.
And if you do come across judgmental a**holes, understand this: there is something they are lacking in their life so awful and deep seeded, the only way they can feel good about who they are, is to criticize others.
Practice compassion.. Start by catching yourself in the throes of judgement -- not to be confused with constructive and compassionate criticism -- and shut it down. Check in with yourself. Why did you want to say or think negative thing about them? What threat does it cause to your own love, safety, and belonging?
Yup. That’s a bitch isn’t it. You care so much about what others think, because YOU judge others too.
7. You are a chameleon
One of our biggest needs, as a human, is to fit in. It’s like being back in high school all over again.
Why do you torture yourself? As if the first round of social awkwardness wasn’t enough.
So, you shape shift, in every situation. At the office with your peers. At the networking event with people you want to impress. At the gym. With a new set of friends. Aren’t you exhausted?!
When are you just YOU? Try it on -- every day, in every situation. Because if people can’t like you for YOU, then you need new friends.
8. You suffer from comparitis
“It’s not fair!” you say. Okay, maybe you don’t say it out loud, but it’s a constant phrase on repeat in your mind. You are correct, it isn’t fair. Life isn’t fair.
Don’t dwell on what other people have. What does that do for you?
Jealousy, anger, and frustration. That’s what it gets you.
Here are your choices: You can use that envy as a motivator to finally get off your ass and take action, or you can fill yourself with self-doubt and fear that you will never be good enough...which takes us to #9.
9. It’s easy to play the victim.
It so much nicer to blame someone or something else for everything that is uncomfortable in your life. It’s a perfect excuse for why you are still stuck in the job you hate, why you haven’t started that diet you keep talking about, and why are you are still single.
Like it or not, you have control of your life, your actions, and your thoughts.
So, instead of being the victim of your own mind, breakup with your negative self… It’s not them, it’s YOU.
10. You live in a glittery rainbow world
It’s okay, so do I, most of the time.
In this sunshine filled world, you live by the rules of Unikitty: “No frowny faces…” and “no negativity of any kind.” “...the ‘not-good’ ideas, you push down deep inside, where nobody can ever, ever, ever find them.”
You avoid ANYTHING uncomfortable for fear you will not be able to handle it because it won’t feel good. You distract yourself from the reality of life.
I know, it doesn’t sound so bad, does it.
Except...this keeps you safely in your comfort zone.
Here’s a little hard love for you: you are going to fail. A LOT. It’s a part of life. And no matter how bad it sucks, if you avoid failure, you will never learn, grow, or evolve into the person or the life you truly desire.
You need clouds and sun to make a rainbow.
It’s time to take a hard look at what you are doing 'up there. “Up there,” meaning your mind. I believe that your thoughts create emotion and emotion creates action. If you are tired of feeling like you aren’t getting anywhere in life, it’s time to change the dialogue in your mind.
What thoughts are on repeat in your brain?
Ask yourself, “What am I thinking?” Then ask, “Why do I choose to think that way?”
What comes up for you?
It’s time to start a new conversation.
Disclaimer: This article is tongue-in-cheek. If you are dealing with deep trauma or a mental health issue, please seek the appropriate professionals for help.
